Grace

As I sit here in this quiet house, listening to nothing but the heavy breathing of Regan as she's napping in her bouncie (the Dr. says she needs to go on the South Beach Diet to loose some weight, but more in a later post!), I am overcome with thankfulness.  What wondrous things God has done for us over these past few weeks. Ryann had complications to a surgery she had earlier in September to untether her spinal cord.  If it weren't for God's grace, I don't hesitate to say that things could be much different today.  Ryann's middle name is Grace.  We put much thought  into their middle names, and Grace was to be hers.  Grace has been what has gotten us through so many hard times these past few years, and Grace is now what I feel God has once again given to us through such a difficult month.  Ryann is home today, sleeping soundly and recovering from 3 spinal surgeries and a brain surgery.  She is happy, healthy, and by the Grace of God, she will be fully healed!  Thank you Lord for Ryann Grace Harmon!

"911 What's your emergency?"

This is not a question you want directed at you, and moreover, a question that you need to answer. I've had a few moments these past two years that I will never forget, and this will indeed be one that is added to the short list. Ryann had surgery last Wednesday, September 8th, and so I was home alone Thursday evening with Regan and Reese. (More on Ryann surgery later.) Reese hasn't been herself these past couple of days. She seems fussy and hasn't eaten well. I can't really put my finger on it, but as her Mom, I just knew she was different. I got home from St. Vincent hospital in Indy Thursday evening around 7:30. Exhausted, but relieved to be home, I took back my "baby duties" and let my Mom go home. She mentioned that Reese wasn't herself and that she just seem to miss me. She said when she fed her, it was almost as she was looking at her with a question on her face asking, "where's my mom?" Poor baby! I couldn't put my finger on it, but she just wasn't herself. Because I had spent little time with the girls the past two days as I was splitting my days with Ryann in the hospital and with Regan and Reese back home, I couldn't wait to spend some time with them at their 9:00 feeding. The feeding began just as usual. I changed them and they were smiling and cooing as I put them in their boppies to begin the feeding. Reese was a little fussy as I began to feed, almost as though she realized how hungry she really was (although she just ate 2 hours ago at 7:00!) Shortly after she started eating, the bottle fell out of her mouth and she screamed. When I picked up the bottle, I realized she had already taken 2 ounces, so I knew she was due for a burp. She didn't quite act right as I was burping her, almost like she had an air bubble or something in her chest. Although I burped her for a while, she didn't really burp or atleast that I noticed, but she seemed a little better and more relaxed like she had worked through whatever was bothering her, so I put her back down and started feeding her again. She began screaming again and acting like she was very hungry, half crying, half sucking. And then it happened. She started making a weird noise. I picked her up and she was just different. I picked up the phone to call Adam, but what was he going to do? He was an hour away and couldn't help, so I called my friend Cindy, who lives 5 minutes away. Cindy is also a respiratory therapist, so I knew if something was wrong with her airway, she would know what to do. Besides the fact that I was exhausted and my nerves were shot, I was alone, so I just needed someone with me to convince me that she was okay! I continued burping her and keeping her air way open by putting my hand under her chin, lifting her head. She started to mimic breathing, she was sucking in her chest, but there was no air moving in or out. I kept burping, pausing momentarily to see if she was breathing. I'd feel her chest, I'd feel her back, I'd listen for air movement...there was none! These are all things we've learned to do from the NICU days. Because our babies were premiee's we are familiar with these events and know what to do and how to stimulate them. But even though I was doing everything right, she began to be limp in my arms, I looked at her, and although she hadn't lost consciousness, she was turning blue around her lips and nose. I jumped up, ran to our home phone and called 911. As I rushed over to the phone and dialed, I remember thinking, "I cannot believe this is happening, this just CAN'T be happening!" As soon as I dialed 9-1-1 and pushed the "talk" button, I heard, "911, What is your emergency?" I remember screaming, "My baby's not breathing!!" Immediately, I heard the dispatchers in the background repeating my address to the emergency personnel, so I knew they were on their way. The dispatcher began asking me questions, most of those next few moments, I don't remember. All I remember is saying that she wasn't breathing over and over and praying and all of a sudden she began to cry. Immediately, I knew that this was a good sign! The man asked if that was her and I said it was and he reassured me that if she was crying, she was breathing. All the while, poor Regan was crying because her bottle fell out of her mouth and she was hungry...poor girl! Reese still wasn't quite back to normal, I could tell she was working through it, but she was much better. She stopped crying for a moment, and then began crying again, only this time it was her strong LOUD cry. Thank you Jesus! About a minute later the paramedics and fire trucks arrive. The medical personnel came right inside and took Reese from me. The lady looked at her and Reese smiled. She was ok! A couple minutes later, Cindy arrives at my house. (Cindy left immediately when I called her and she only lives 5 minutes away, and yet the EMT's got there before her...kudos to the fast response of the EMT's!) Thank you Lord for her! The paramedics suggested we take her to the hospital to be evaluated. But, I didn't really feel it was necessary, and with Cindy there, I felt comfortable staying home. Cindy stayed for a while, put Reese in the bouncy seat and sat her right in front of her on the couch. She laid on the couch for about 30 minutes not taking her eyes off of her, looking a her breathing techniques, etc - all of those respiratory therapist things that I know nothing about- and she reassured me that she was ok and I knew the right thing to do as her Mommy. It was 11:30 and we were all exhausted. By now, Reese had been asleep for a while with no incidents. Cindy left, I prayed for protection over them and we all went to bed. What a dramatic ending to a couple of exhausting and emotional days! Friday morning, I got a call from Adam that Ryann was being discharged and by Friday afternoon we were all back as a family, all alive and well! The Lord is faithful!

Conclusion: We still aren't sure exactly what happened to Reese. She might have just got choked up or it might have been her reflux. There's no way to know for sure. She wasn't herself the few days we were going back and forth to Indy for Ryann. Maybe her schedule was off and she wasn't eating or sleeping the same...who knows! I knew all week that she wasn't herself. I couldn't put my finger on exactly what was going on but knew it wasn't quite right. Thankfully, she is back to her beautiful, smiley, and spunky self!

Lesson Learned: If you are like us, we have been debating for days, weeks, months, and years if we should get rid of our land line. We barely use it and feel like we are wasting $40/mo for a phone we hardly use. However, my mind is made up and the discussion is officially over: we are keeping our land line. I had my cell phone sitting right next to me when I knew I needed to call 911. Instead, I instinctively jumped up and headed straight for the land line. I knew they can track me immediately instead of wasting precious time while I tell them my address. Yes, they can eventually track my location with my cell phone using technology like satellites and cell phone towers, but who wants to wait for that? The moment I said, "my baby's not breathing!" I heard someone in the background giving my address to the emergency personnel. I didn't have to give them my address. What if I couldn't remember my address at that moment? What if there was a mix-up in the address he thought I told him? What if this happened just one feed before to my mom and she had to use her cell phone because we didn't have a land line but didn't know my address to tell the dispatcher?  What if my cell phone wasn't charged or the cell phone of the baby sitter wasn't charged?  So, my take...if you are contemplating ditching your land line, don't!! If you don't have a land line, you might consider getting one! It's worth the $40/mo in our budget and if we can't afford it, I'm willing to forgo a few extras in life to ensure we have this essential safety feature in our house!

Update on Ryann: Ryann had surgery on Wednesday to repair her tethered spinal cord. She did great during surgery and it went completely as planned. We are trusting the Lord for a complete recovery and a perfectly healthy girl! He is our healer!

September 7th

Today I turn 32. Those who know me know that September 7th isn't just another day, it's a holiday. In fact, the festivities for "September 7th" begins promptly on August 25th (the day after Adam's birthday), and lasts usually a week or two after September 7th. I'm not really at fault for this behavior. You see, in my house, September 7th was a triple celebration. First, and most importantly at the time, it was my birthday, secondly, it was my twin sisters birthday, and lastly, it was my parents anniversary (we were born on their 4th anniversary). And to add to the celebrations, some birthday's fell on Labor Day, and even more special would it be when it was also Grandparents Day. So, as you can see, this first week in September was a very important part of year for me growing up! I didn't know any better but to think everyone had a big celebration for their birthdays like we did! We would usually have a family get together this time of year and inevitably Grandma would always ensure there was a birthday cake there for us and my cousin Marissa (whose birthday was just a week after ours). So, although this annual family gathering was just that, a family get together, in my eyes they were all coming together to celebrate our birthday! Haha! Oh to see life through a child's eye once again!

And then we come to this year. This year has been completely different. There are no festivities, no talk of birthday parties, surprises, cakes, gifts, extravaganza's..ok, extravaganza's might be taking it a little far, but you get the drift...There's only been murmurs of this special day. More like a passing thought, like "oh, I need to get bread at the store on the way home" and not "Yay! It's my birthday!!!" for weeks on end. So, today, there will be no birthday parties, no cake, no surprises, no gifts, no cards, no extravaganza's. I'm sure I'll get the occasional phone call or text or I might even get 20 or so well wishes from my Facebook "friends" but that will be about the extent of my September 7th this year. This year, September 7th begins at about 6:30am with feeding the babies. I'll be busy changing diapers, managing 6 feeding sessions, bathing babies only to end the afternoon by taking all three babies to a wellness check at the doctor's office. I'll come home exhausted and hungry, change and feed the babies, shovel some food - whatever I can find from the fridge - into my mouth in between the evening feeds, wash dishes, fold laundry and put the girls to bed and then crash in bed myself, hopefully around 9:30. September 7th won't be like other years past, it will be better. It will be a day filled with hearts desires met, longings fulfilled and God's faithfulness tangible as I look into the eyes of my three babies. I am so thankful for my three birthday presents this year! What a great day it will be!!!! God's grace is beautiful. He loves us and blesses us, despite us. Thank you Lord!

Pretty Pink Packages...

Hahaha!! I just have to laugh at myself! You may have noticed that I've recently added a new tab called "Pretty Pink Packages". I was referring to a line in the song from the classic movie "Sound of Music". I thought it said, "Pretty pink packages, tied up with strings, these are a few of my favorite things." However, it just donned on me today that it's not "Pretty pink packages tied up with strings," it's "Brown paper packages"....Oh my goodness! How could I have messed this one up? I love this movie and song! I even sang this song in high school as a solo in a competition! I guess it all boils down to this....do I change the tab to the boring but correct "Brown Paper Packages" or leave as "Pretty Pink Packages?" Decisions, decisions!

Thirty Pink Painted Toes

We've done it! My heart is so full it's about to explode! We've painted their tiny toenails! I'm telling you...they are just adorable! This is more than just fingernail polish on some toes (30 to be exact), this is the desires of my heart being fulfilled! It's pure enjoyment! We have wanted these children for so long and to have THREE GIRLS in my arms is beyond any emotion I can put into words! Heaven has become tangible! ...and they've been initiated into the world of pink, frill, glam, glitz and all things girly, and I love it!!

30 Pink Painted Toes!

Ever get the feeling someone is watching you? I have 3 sets of eyes on me at all times! As I walk around the house, it's like a tennis match, all three heads move and follow me around watching my every move! I walked behind the girls to take a picture of their toes and this is what I see...

A Mother's Love

It's really hit me these past few days how much I truly love being a "Mom". Having this title was something that I had dreamed about so often these past 10 years. Sure, I knew I'd love being a mom and having a baby (or in my case, babies!) But I never realized to the extent that I would love it. Not to really compare myself to others, but I have to wonder, does everyone really love being a mom as much as I do or am I just crazy?!? I love it so much, to the point that I think I could easily see us having more in the near future. Tell me moms: Am I just in the "honeymoon stage?" Does it get harder instead of easier? I guess, I think the hardest has already been. Those first few weeks home from the hospital, with little sleep, changing diapers with one eye open, those were the hardest moments. But, if I can be completely honest, I know this sounds ridiculous, it wasn't all that bad! Maybe it's all relative. After going through years of infertility, only to conceive, carry, deliver and bury our twins, and then to have such a rough pregnancy again, only to deliver the girls so early, spending 6 weeks in the hospital worrying about their tiny lives, I guess all of this makes a little sleep deprivation seem minuscule compared to how bad things could really be. I'm not sure I would have loved motherhood this much if I hadn't gone through all that I have had to face these past few years and so, for that, I am thankful for those trials. If it weren't for those difficult times, I'm not sure I would treasure every moment the way I do now. I have to think that I wouldn't take in the moments like I have been with these girls if I hadn't lost Audrey and Avery. Every single time I pick up one of the girls, and yes, it's every single time, I have a "moment" when I just think about them, what they feel like, their weight, what they smell like, etc. and realize the magnitude of what I have in my arms. It sounds cheesy, but it's true. I really appreciate the blessings God has bestowed upon me. I view them like little treasures that you handle with such gentleness and tenderness. I know how precious it is, because of what I've lost. I'm so thankful that God has allowed me to be home with the girls and really by His grace, He has made my home peaceful so that I can thoroughly enjoy every moment I have with them. I didn't have much time with Audrey and Avery, but by His grace and His amazing love for me, He's giving me the chance to fully experience a Mother's Love.

5 Signs of Teething -- wait...did I just say "Teething?"

I'm suprised to even type this, but I think my baby has begun teething! I know we are in the early stages, but all signs indicate we have officially entered into this phase, ready or not! Regan hasn't been herself since Monday. She doesn't eat well, is fussy after feeding and hasn't slept well. She has a small rash on her chin, although, I haven't noticed much drooling, she has been chewing on her fists a little more frequently, which could contribute to the rash. She wants to be held and consoled often, which is not like her either. She was the easy one, just feed her and she was happy! From what I read, these are all signs of teething! They are almost 4 months old so it's not out of the question, even though they were preemies. I'm just not ready for this! I want them to stay little ones for just a little longer...Please Lord!! :) Here's what the article on What to Expect says about this new phase of life I'm about to stumble into... (sigh)

5 Signs of Teething -- Baby Development Month by Month -- WhatToExpect.com