Tuesday, June 29, 2010

2 years and 9 weeks later...God is good!

Well, it was 9 weeks this past Friday since we've had the girls. I cannot believe how much they've grown! Just 9 weeks ago, my little Regan was only 2lbs 15oz, Reese was 3lbs 2oz and Ryann was 3lbs 5oz and now they are all over 7lbs! They all have changed so much! 9 weeks ago they weren't even able to breathe on their own and now they are thriving! God is good!

Two years ago, June 25, 2008, we had Audrey and Avery. Our lives changed forever in a moment. In just an instant, we had our dreams fulfilled, only to have them replaced with deep heartache. I can't hardly believe it was just two years ago. I think of last year, the one year anniversary of their birth and death. I was in so much grief. But, in that moment, on that very day, I also received a promise from God. I didn't know it was a promise at the time, but it was! I have learned that we don't always see things as they are at the moment but sometimes we get the honor of seeing the promises fulfilled later. See...I took a pregnancy test on this day. One year later, the day was so painful as we relieved that moment. Our hearts ached. But, I felt a little nudge to take a pregnancy test. I kept thinking how torturous it was do this on THIS day. But the nudge was very strong, and I thought what a great testimony it would be if it were positive! It was negative. I was confused and just downright angry. Why would I do this to myself? Why would God do this to me? I talked to a friend who gently calmed my anger and became excited. Excited? Yes! She was excited because she felt like it could very well be a promise instead of a curse. I didn't really believe it then, but God does work in mysterious ways. Sometimes, God's timing isn't our own. One year later, here I am, holding my 3 beautiful girls. Never, never did I believe or think that my life could or would change so fast. God does answer prayers!

Secondly, I recieved a facebook message yesterday from a lady that was our nurse the day we had Audrey and Avery. She said that she hasn't forgotten us and that she thinks of us often. She went onto say that because of witnessing our faith and hope, she renewed her relationship with the Lord. God does make all things good for those who love Him! He's reminded me of how He was in every moment of that day. Although our hearts were breaking, He was holding us. He put people in our path to comfort us and pray and care for us. He was there when we didn't see Him, feel Him or even want Him in our hurt and anger, He was there.

Now, here we are, 9 weeks after the birth of our daughters and 2 years after the birth and loss of our twins. This day was filled with heartache as we remembered the heaviness of that day. But, our day was also filled with feedings every 3 hours, diaper changes, little cries, pouty faces, and sweet smiles as they catch a glimpse of our faces, baths x3 and wardrobe changes in preparation for the girls first photoshoot.

There isn't much else to say, but God is good! Isaiah 61!!

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Foggy Night

It was a foggy night last night. We tried to start the new schedule: Rotating the 10:00 shift every other day, then Adam does the 1:00AM and I do the 4:00AM shift. It didn't get off to a good start. We realized right before Adam was headed to bed that we hadn't given them their vitamins, which requires another bottle with the vitamin mixed with the breast milk. It's not a big deal normally, but at 10:00, with an exhausted mommy, it's a HUGE deal! So, Adam stayed up and helped me feed the girls their vitamins and went to bed. I finished feeding them and got them to bed around 11:00 and started pumping. By the time I was finished pumping, Regan was fussy. The girls love to be swaddled, but will wiggle themselves out of it and be fussy. I will try to swaddle them back up, but I'm not the expert swaddler...Adam is. It secretly drives me bonkers! He's so good at everything! So, I tried several times to swaddle little Regan, but she "Houdini-ed" her way out of it and start to cry. I finally woke up Adam at midnight to help. I felt so bad waking him up because he was in such a deep sleep. Poor guy doesn't know his name for the first 60 seconds after waking up. He was standing over the crib looking at Regan trying to swaddle her, but sort of just tossing the blanket around. Then he asked "where the other one was"...two problems with the question...#1. There's 3 babies, so there's more than just another one. And #2. She (Reese) was right next to her in the crib! (Regan and Reese share a bed, Ryann is in the other crib.) She switch finally came on his brain and he swaddled her and we were able to go back to sleep...at 12:00AM.

Then at 1:30AM Adam wakes me up in a panic! We missed their 1:00 feeding! We slept through my alarm and them crying! We felt so bad!!! Ryann eats at 1:30, but now we had to feed all 3, so I was up again, even though it was technically Adam's shift. Teamwork. Adam said that when he went in to get the girls, Reese had scooted way over to Regan's head and was kicking Regan in the head, and Regan was trying to shew away Reese, all the while they both were screaming at the top of their lungs! So, we each grabbed a baby and started feeding. I noticed that Reese was taking her bottle like a champ! ...or was she? Nope, the nipple wasn't on tight enough, so although she was sucking, she wasn't getting much, it was dumped all down the front of her! If I had the energy, I would have cried, but I was in self-preservation mode, crying exudes energy that I needed to save for later! So, we changed her, heated a new bottle and fed her...AGAIN! We fed Ryann and put them all to bed and crashed ourselves at about 2:45AM.

It's 3:45AM. I wake up to warm bottles and start getting ready for their feed. By the time I fed 3 babies and pumped it was 6:00 before I was back in bed. Thankfully, Adam took the 7:00 feeding so I was able to get 3 1/2 hours of straight sleep, what a wonderful thing!

Today I got to have a little time to myself. Adam is just amazing. I wish I could say more about him, but that about sums it up. He encouraged me to go to my friend's house to swim (float) in their pool. So, with some coaxing, I took a couple hours and floated and had some girl time with some women from our chuch. It was so nice!

Well, it's 9:41, and it's time to start the 10:00 round. It's Adam's turn, but I'm helping and then headed to bed! I love my life!

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

3 babies...day 3

It's been a good day! We got decent sleep last night and we are starting to get in a groove. The girls were on a 11:00, 2:00, 5:00, 8:00 feeding schedule. The 11:00 PM schedule was a killer. It was so hard to stay awake long enough to just get to the 11:00 hour, let alone just be starting the feed. So, we decided that a 10:00, 1:00, 4:00 and 7:00 schedule would be much better for our life at this moment. We can both do the 10:00 PM feed and then would share the two night shifts feed. Adam will do the 1:00 and I will do the 4:00 so that when Adam goes back to work, he won't wake up at 4:00 only to go back to bed at 5:00 and wake again at 6:30. The adjustment was easy on the girls. They usually fuss about a half hour before their feed so, feeding them a half hour early made us all happy campers! Tonight's feed at 10:00, 40 min from now, will be the last of the adjustment. I'm hoping they all feed well, so we (I) can go to sleep and get a few good long hours in before they start fussing at 3:30!

They are so cute! We are so in love with them. It's amazing how we can look at them and just smile for no reason at all but that we love them. Every little smirk they make or new noise or cry we find absolutely amazing. We try to snuggle with them as much as we possibly can, but time isn't always as long as we'd like.

Today...well, let's see, what did we do today? All the girls got baths today. This was the first time we've bathed all three. I would undress the baby and hand her to Adam, who was waiting in the bathroom. He'd scrub her down and hand her back to me, where I would then get the next baby to him, while I was warming, drying and dressing the newly bathed babe! It only took about 20 minutes...not bad for the first try! Reese pooped in the tub which was absolutely gross! It was floating in the water...BLEH! Suprisingly though, I didn't gag and have a freakout! This would have sent me me over the edge just a few months ago, but today, I just cleaned it up...like a champ! Ryann got through her bath with no problems, but then pooed in her towel while Adam dried her off! Silly girls!

Because the girls spent 50 days in the NICU they heard all sorts of alarms, buzzers, noise, people talking and babies crying. In the NICU, we wanted everyone to be quiet around them, but now that they are home, we are very thankful that they are used to the noise. Nothing really upsets these girls! Reese had scooted right next to Regan (yes, we co-bed!) and was screaming in Regan's ear, meanwhile, Regan was sleeping soundly looking so peaceful, like she was laying in a hammock on some tropical island! Wish I could sleep that soundly!

Overall, today was a great day! Tomorrow, Ryann has a dr. appointment at 8:50 in the morning! That is still technically the middle of the night for us since we don't really start our day until about 11:00 or so. This will also be the first time we will be without the girls since bringing them home. We are leaving Reese and Regan home with Mamaw and Papaw Harmon while we venture out with Ryann. It will be much easier toting around just one child to the doctor's office but I'm sure I'll be missing my two other girls!

Well, it's about time to get the bottles ready and start their new 10:00 schedule! Where does the time go? (no time for spell check, sorry for the errors!)

Monday, June 14, 2010

Can we freeze time?

We just got done feeding our little ones their 5:00 feed and I'm sitting on my couch looking at my sweet little girls realizing how fast things have already changed. I haven't blogged for so long and have so much to catch up on, but if I don't start blogging now, I'll regret not documenting this sweet moment of my life! I'll catch up as time permits, but as of right now, I'm experiencing the closest thing to Heaven on Earth. Children really are such a sweet blessing from the Lord. It's amazing to expeirence it. We got Reese home on Sunday, June 6, 2010, Regan Tuesday, June 8, 2010 and Ryann Saturday, June 12, 2010. Life is good! I just look at their tiny little bodies, how they curl up their legs when you pick them up, how they calm down immediately when they snuggle in the crease of my neck, how they smell, how they cry, how they squeak and all of this just wants me to freeze this moment in time! I have wanted this so desperately for so many years and now I have it...X 3! Every single time I hold them I tell myself to soak in this moment. I just know how fast it's going by and how much they have already changed to take this time for granted. My heart is full!

I'll try to take about 10 min a day to post! I know I'll be so thankful I did later! (I hope I can catch up on the events of the past months, weeks, and days too!)

(Sorry for any rambling...sleep is a wonderful thing for brain functionality!)